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Feeling alone, None of my family understands married to Asperger Male

over 6 years ago
Hi,

I have some Great books on Asperger's in Love and Asperger's Marriage but it seems that only in those books and in our therapists office do they understand what I am going through being married to my AS man. I love him a great deal and find joy with him every day. Some days I get frustrated and run out of patience and just need someone to call.

I call my Aunt and she says I am expecting to much out of a man and all men are that way. ARGH!!!! (she has been twice divorced) I can't call my Mom cause she has been three times divorced and says I have to just stick it out. I married a child and just have to deal.

I feel like they think all men are insensitive and angry and I just have to deal. I have other friends my age who I know well and they are married to reasonably sensitive guys who can step in and infer what is needed when someone is sick.

I feel like a single mother. I can't expect him to take care of our three year old when I am trying to get over a cold before the weekend is over.

When I get sick is when this really comes to a head. I HATE having to explain Asperger's to my Aunt and cousins to justify why I need the extra help with Christina. Just because Tom once in a while brings me a hot beverage in the morning and lets me sleep in somehow justifies his losing his temper with Christina and getting emotionally abusive. That I should worship him because I have it so good.

I have no good support and am feeling trapped, crazy, going out of my mind, I am the one in the wrong.
  • over 6 years ago
    It can feel like that. I felt like a single mother & I could never understand why at the time. I know now that emotional abuse year in year out is dangerous. You will end up stressed out of your head with no one understanding your problems (plus your child will be affected too). It seems like your immediate family won't be able to understand your need for support & it may be too frustrating for you to always explain. Take a step back & remember you are the most important person in your life. So you need to look after yourself & not get tangled up in an emotional conflict with people who don't understand, that includes your husband.
  • over 6 years ago
    Thanks Jaynee, I feel bad when I let Christina watch to much T.V. so I can have sometime on the computer. I can balance it out with a walk to the park I guess. Thank you for identifying. I know my family means well but I can't expect them to understand. At least my girlfriends do. I could not go to the meet up this week due to my cold and guess I am just feeling the lack of contact with girlfriends.
  • over 6 years ago
    That's great you have some girlfriends, hold on to them :)
  • over 6 years ago
    Jaynee, thank u for the encouragement to keep up with my girlfriends. They have NT husbands but are great for empathy. They just shake their heads at some of the things Tom says to me and don't know how I put up with him. They all know my Tom and how sweet he is so they get why I am with him. Thanks again for helping me focus on keeping my girlfriends. Sorry I have not been on this site in months. My daughter stop letting me get on the computer. The T.V. diversion stopped working. Now I hope to put her down early enough to get some time on this site before bed.
  • over 6 years ago
    It is hard. So very hard and so many do not understand. I know not to raise my voice anymore, but if I start to show any emotion, crying, frustration, sadness, my husband shuts down. He tells me I am condemning him, attacking him, rejecting him, not considering him, and I truly am doing none of those things. It hurts greatly to be told that so much. The hard part is he truly feels that way and I can only change my behavior so much before I lose myself.
  • over 2 years ago
    I feel the same as far as being trapped but on the outside, people do not see what I encounter and have encountered. I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years but married 3.5 years. I have filed for divorce due to him constantly ignoring me and he acts like this is his world and I just live in it. I wonder if he knew before we got married but never did anything about it. Coming from a place of zero knowledge on this, I thought he was an introvert and focused on his business as he’s very high functioning. Feeling so alone and At a loss, sad and still love him. Any help would be greatly appreciated
  • over 2 years ago
    I feel the same as far as being trapped but on the outside, people do not see what I encounter and have encountered. I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years but married 3.5 years. I have filed for divorce due to him constantly ignoring me and he acts like this is his world and I just live in it. I wonder if he knew before we got married but never did anything about it. Coming from a place of zero knowledge on this, I thought he was an introvert and focused on his business as he’s very high functioning. Feeling so alone and At a loss, sad and still love him. Any help would be greatly appreciated