Looking for Encouragement!!

I have been married for a little over 5 years.  We have both been married before and have kids.  I get along well with my adult  children, but his relatonship with his kids is very strained and awkward.  Before we were married, a counselor suggested that he might have Asperger's.  I didn't see it at the time, but after 5 years of emotional shutdown and limited intimacy, I think she was right.   We are like roommates.  We get along great as long as it is always about logistics.  If any emotion of any type enters the picture, things go south fast.  The simplest conversations are painful, and some topics just cannot be discussed without a meltdown.  I am frustrated and wondering if I can grow old with someone that I cannot talk to.  Where do we start to try to untangle this mess??