My husband and I have been married over 16 years and dated for 1-1/2 before marrying.
My husband is a hard worker, will shop, cook, clean, do laundry, and all of those tasks that many wives WISH their husbands would do. But when I married, I wasn't looking for a maid, cook, or cleaner. I wanted a life partner.
Husband was diagnosed during our engagement w/ADHD, and generalized and socialized anxiety disorder. Was put on antidepressants. Seemed to help him; especially at work. Hasn't been back to the psychiatrist who diagnosed him in many years. He renews his script through his primary physician. I think he should be seeing a psychiatrist for his med refills and to treat his conditions. I don't believe the ADHD and anxiety diagnoses were totally correct. From what I've read, I suspect he has Asperger's and have for quite some time.
He has no interest in me per se. He'll talk to me, go to church, and grocery shop with me; however, there is no intimacy. No hand holding, kissing, or anything else. This has been the case for several years now. If I broach the subject, it leads to a HIGH level of anxiety in him and he never says a word to explain the situation we've found ourselves in these last few years.
Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. pass without even as much as a card. He may/may not say Happy Birthday, etc., but that's not always the case either. My family and friends don't deal well with him. They can't understand why I stay with someone who doesn't show his affections for me.
My daughter (29 years old now) is his stepdaughter. She can't stand him. As a matter of fact, whenever it was my birthday or Mother's Day, she would state that she wanted to take me out alone. My staying married to him has created a HUGE rift between my daughter and me. I no longer see her for birthdays, holidays, etc.
I am very lonely, frustrated, and depressed, mostly from dealing (and his not dealing) with his Asp. He can't/won't get help. When we were first engaged, he saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with ADHD, and social and generalized anxiety disorder. He was placed on medication for the ADHD and hasn't been seen in many years by anyone except his primary care doctor. No one has ever followed up with him regarding medication to see if it's working or not. I think the meds help him to function better at work; however, his behaviors, routines, etc. are out of control at home.
Just the other day I asked him if he would please put his cell phone down while we were taking what was supposed to be an enjoyable ride to leaf peep. He couldn't do it! When I remarked that I wasn't interested in taking a ride with someone who wasn't going to be relaxing too, he grabbed his cell phone and began squeezing it like he wanted to break it in two. I immediately turned the car around and dropped him off at home. I told him he was still not dealing with his issues and until he did something about it, I wouldn't be going anywhere with him. (Admittedly, not the best reaction on my part either!). I take a lot of BS from him. I walk on eggshells most of the time because anything can send his anxiety levels to the moon. Once in awhile I lose it and this was one of those times.
I'm open to any suggestions, comments, and/or insight. Thanks.