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Husband is high functioning Aspie. Looking for advice and people to relate to. Does anyone have any good news or encouragement?

over 2 years ago

My last post was super long with no response so I'll keep this one short. I'm sure that's easier to digest and relate to anyways. Ive been married for about 2 years after a 5 year engagement and have started taking suspicions from friends and family that know my husband seriously. I came across this site and the more I'm reading online and from friends who have known people who have had or who have Asbergers themselves the more I am almost certain he has the diagnosis. We are both going through huge life changes and upheaval with us being without income for 5 months now looking at possible future foreclosure. I am Bipolar, and though I've had years symptom free while going regularly to therapy and psych med appointments, I've had to drop, lower, replace and add a bunch of medications in the last 8 months. My chemical stability is on point but environmentally things are the worst things Ive ever had to go through. Huge back story information aside, I really just could use people who can relate to what I'm going through and have advice and encouragement to guide me. After reading all these posts I really need to know is, is there any good news? Does it ever get better? Do you ever feel like you're appreciated? Are you still in love? Is it worth fighting for? i would love some hope and encouragement but at this point I'd rather have real answers and truth. 

 

  • over 2 years ago
    this is just a 'hand hold'. I don't have any answers. i believe my husband is a hi fxning spectrum person. we have best circumstances and it is still difficult at times. we are in our mid 70's! married almost 20 years. Yes, $ problems and change can make life so much more difficult. we are once again in therapy. it's Gottman based. for the first time, he really wants to go. and really listens to the therapist. She says everything i always have said, but she is able to commiserate w/ him [ which he gets!] far better than i. I am worn out too often! I also see a personal therapist. Many Gottman helpers do not take insurance, unfortunately. But their info is online. I followed several of their suggestions years ago and it made life better. Any group may help you. i used to go to alanon, and their principles of how to live best, really made a difference. It is based on keeping the focus on yourself, your healing, your life. It does take the pressure off the spouse when we do that. I think they feel the pressure, but can not understand what they are feeling, that is my take anyhow. I hope others respond t you. It helps to not feel so alone!
  • over 2 years ago in reply to susala
    Thank you, susala. I really appreciate the reply. We are going through 5 months without sufficient income and the meager income is now coming from me irregularly while I try to get stable positioning for a salaried job at the same company. So we are dealing with money issues, looking at foreclosure and med changes for me as well as just a huge a mount of hard but positive growth for both of us. I haven't heard of Gottman helpers but I will look it up right away.

    I have three male friends in my circle with Asbergers. I seem to gravitate towards a certain personality type in my choice of friends. It has become decidedly an unfortunate pattern at this point. Does this apply to you at all as well? Ive noticed I gravitate towards people with lack of empathy and lack of their own support system. Usually due to this issue.

    I have no idea why this would be the case. Just noticing patterns in my own history. I do feel very alone. i am lucky that have become ok with this at this point in my life and that in itself is something to be grateful for. It is nice to hear that it can work. 20 years of marriage is hopeful. Thank you for that hope :)
  • over 1 year ago in reply to susala
    I've been married to my husband for almost 8 years. Just realized he's an Aspie, which answered so many questions. There are times when he does things for me that I know he loves me. I still struggle when there's a lack of empathy when I'm going thru a tough time whether with work or other things. But I continue to remind myself it's not anything I'm doing wrong. And that he's doing what he's capable of. There's no "fix"; there's being understanding of his condition and forgiving of myself if I lash out and forgiving of him bcuz he's just not able to meet me at a certain emotional level. Any marriage is hard work. And I have realized that my faith is what gets me thru the really hard times.