Overstimulated Squared

I went shopping with my daughter on Saturday. Crowds are too much for me and when you add to that flickering florescent lights, the general din of people shopping, talking, children crying and then throw in some business and people invading my personal space and you have a meltdown waiting to happen.

As if that was not bad enough, I came home and two hours later my husband, daughter and I went to a party for church. It was actually a business meeting, but it was a rather large social gathering at a church member's home. People were talking (all at once), kids were running through the house, people were laughing - and there was nowhere quiet to escape to.

But I lasted four hours and that is only because of the sheer grace of God. My husband was there and he is very good with me. He understands most of the time.

Today, though, I got up and we went to church. I was already overstimulated (I have bad sensory issues) and I had not had time to decompress before going out in a large, loud gathering again.

But I would NOT miss church!

I praised and prayed and worshiped. I listened to our pastor's message. It was good. Afterwords, though, I really needed to leave fairly quickly and get home to somewhere quiet.

That is not what I did.

Instead, I helped clean the church and talked to some people. When we finally left I hurt all over.

See, when I have sensory overload, everything gets worse. Bright lights get brighter. Loud or painful noises get worse. Smells get stronger. I had chosen a soft sweater to wear because I started the day still overstimulated from the night before (sometimes it takes hours; sometimes it takes DAYS to decompress). However, it felt like sandpaper against my skin.

Every sound bored into my skull. I hurt everywhere.

I took a psychology class in college and we talked about endorphins. We had talked about people who had been on a drug like heroin for a long time and their body had stopped producing endorphins which protect your body from pain of everyday activities (without endorphins, even blinking would be painful). That is because the heroin had taken the place of the endorphins so the body no longer had a need and it stopped producing them.

 

But when the addict stopped the heroin, there was nothing, no endorphins, so heroin substitute, to guard agains the physical pain and discomfort of just living. Everything hurts while they are going through withdrawal and until their body adjusts to operating normally again. Blinking hurts, clothing hurts, everything.

That is how I felt, as if my body had stopped producing endorphins. Everything hurt.

Now, hours later, I am better, but I still hurt a little. I still feel the twisted tightness in the back of my neck. I still feel jumpy and jittery. I still can't focus really well on tasks.

But it will get better, it always does. God allowed me to be this way and He is using me to help families with autism and other Aspies. Sometimes I need to remember what some of the more extreme issues are like.

I need to pay attention.