A look at Aspergers and control issues

Rudy Simone


As a follow up to my popular book, 22 Things a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man with Asperger Syndrome I'm writing a companion book, for those in a relationship with an Aspergirl. This is a sneak peek of that, a bit from the chapter on "control issues."

Your Aspergian darling will take "control freak" to a fine art. This is pretty understandable once you realize that anxiety is the platform from which she operates. Control is her way of bringing safety and sensory comfort to an unpredictable, unsafe, uncomfortable world. She is also very particular about what stimuli gets into her brain. Perhaps you have fights about the temperature in the car that have nearly come to blows, or have duelled over what program to watch on the television. Maybe she will literally scream at times if she doesn't get her way. Spoiled brat? Probably not, she probably just came that way, straight out of the box, no assembly required.

"No wire hangers ever" We all remember the famous line maniacally uttered by the crazed Joan Crawford (played with uber camp by Faye Dunaway) in Mommie Dearest. One could wonder if Ms. Crawford might have had Aspergers. I had a similar fit the other day when the clean lines and organized shelves of my closet were decimated by my NT (neurotypical or non-autistic) male partner, with hangers at all angles and all over the floor, causing my own decibel level to exceed legal limits. Your Aspergirl might have the same tendency. Messy lines can make it hard to find things, make her dizzy. She probably has difficulty knowing where her body ends (proprioception) and may bump into stuff.

Sudden changes in either expectations or plan can and usually do, cause a "software crash" in her head, which can result in meltdowns, confusion, and exacerbate physical clumsiness and disorientation. And we take things literally. One time I landed in an airport and was told to look for a white courtesy phone to call my hotel shuttle. I wandered the large area back and forth several times befo
re finally asking someone where the courtesy phone was. He said "right there" and I turned and finally noticed the glaring sign and gigantic bank of five brown phones. Afterwards, I was so rattled by the experience I fell up the down escalator. Ah, it's fun to be an Aspergirl.

She likes neatness, or at least organized chaos. She needs to know what to expect. Even a Christmas or birthday present she didn't want or expect can make her hyperventilate, angry that you didn't understand what she wanted and that you wasted your money and time needlessly.

More here


Related Articles


Interview with Aspie, autism advocate, and multiplatium record producer, Mike Buckholtz

Recently, I interviewed Michael Buckholtz, founder of Aid for Autistic Children Foundation and an individual w ..

read more

Video: Interview with Temple Grandin

Autism advocate, animal behaviorist and teacher. Colorado State University Animal Sciences Professor Temple Gr ..

read more

Advice on autism and teens from an adult on the autism spectrum

School is a tough place for teens with autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). In junior and senior high school, con ..

read more

Our Support Community


Join our free support community and connect with thousands of other families and individuals touched by ASD. Find out what’s working for others, coping strategies, and life guides from others living what you’re going through now. Click here to join for free!

Resources in Your Area

Looking for autism resources nearby? Check our listings for professionals and services that might help.

Post your services | Help out in general

Events


Autism social support group for adults
N/A, AR - United States
Sep-22-2021 - 06:30 pm
This is a support group /socializing group for adults on the autism spectrum to meet and talk in a safe environment. The group meets once a month. The meeting meets ..
Go to Event site

view all events