I am autistic: this is what the world looks like to me

Saskia Lupi

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My name is Saskia Lupin, I am 21, an aspiring actor from Brighton and I am autistic.

I’ve come a long way in 21 years. I was non-verbal until I was eight years old. School was a huge struggle of continually feeling misunderstood and my drama degree had some amazing highs but also some devastating lows, I struggled to manage my autism alongside social and academic pressures.

As an autistic person, it can be really challenging trying to explain how it feels when things get too much.

Something that I find particularly difficult though is public transport. I struggle a lot with the unexpected changes that can take place: they make me feel anxious, they make me panic, they make me angry but overall I feel confused, like I can’t do anything and all sense of rationality is lost. I also struggle with the big crowds and all the noises, smells and lights that you are faced with, particularly on the underground.

I was recently at London Victoria station and it was early in the morning so it was really busy. I was stuck in a crowd of people trying to get on the tube, I started to panic and hyperventilate. Everyone was so set on getting to their destination that I ended up having to lean up against a wall, trying so hard to breathe, until the crowds dispersed.

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